Archive for June, 2010

Re-cap

So this last little while has been hectic.  The Central performance was a blast.  My friends and fam turned out as well as some I didn’t know and a large showing from the French community-Go France!!!  Thank you guys sooooo much!!! I also want to shout out Dike who came out even though I haven’t seen him in a minute-really since Humber! Anyways I must say it was very exciting and affirming and really reminded me how powerful music and performance is in connecting individuals.

Next up I will be singing at the opening for the In My Shoes mentorship program on June 18th at Alexandra Park community Centre as well as at my girl Tash’s wedding next week and I look forward to it. July the 9th I’ll be singing some Jazz in the Second cup located 905 King St. W-at the corner of King and Strachan. Other than that I am ready to start writing some new material.

Other than that I’ll be living my life “like it’s golden” and watching a bunch of  ridiculously fit guys kick a ball around for the next month.

Peace and blessings,

Constancia

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What do you mean “love”?

I have been contemplating what it means to  “love someone” and what it really means to me.  I use the term often to describe how I feel about many material things such as clothes and accessories as well as activities I enjoy doing but it is a little harder for me to break it down in the context of a relationship even though I am in one.

We are taught to treat others nicely and we are just expected to love our family unless we were horribly mistreated-even then we will have very strong mixed feelings.  I looked up love in a concordance and most of the passages summed it up to treating others as you would yourself.  The dictionary has several meanings including” infatuation”, sexual attraction”, “strong affection” and “selfless giving”.

These are of course just definitions but at the same time I wonder how much am I capable of loving others around me according to some of these definitions because I know that I am certainly no Mother Theresa.  I don’t give enough to the less fortunate,  I’m constantly think negative thoughts and I once thought the whole point of love was being able to be your self without any judgement or repercussions from others. In my opinion, we often hurt and are hurt by the people we “love” the most. I have been disillusioned many times and I know I must have hurt someone in the last twenty-five years(anything before two doesn’t count!).

As a consequence of past experiences I find my favourite people to be around are my family because even though they drive me nuts sometimes I know that we have this rich history together-no one else can laugh at the same silly things year after year or will defend my honour even when I am not around or inspires my own protective instincts or makes me tear up because they are graduating from school or left me a kind note on my iphone.  I honestly would rather be the first to leave this earth than any of them.

So it really bugs me when people say “I love you” all the time to almost anyone.  I often find myself struggling to say those same words to my own family and friends not because I don’t love them, but because “I love you”  to me has always seemed like  such a serious statement reserved for special occasions long trips away and serious situations . It is somewhat of a forced habit saying it often and I do feel uncomfortable  if someone I don’t feel the same way about says it to me. I am also skeptical about that fairytale love they sell to us in the media because there is no way any relationship including the one with yourself can be that smooth…not even the one with your God because if we go with my favourite definition which is “selfless giving”, we will all fall short at some time.

I am learning as I go along that love does not mean perfection but rather constant evolution.  To survive in this big old world we constantly need to evolve and grow.  We all need love and we get it in different ways shapes and forms but we cannot live happily or healthfully without it. I may never experience that constant bliss that Disney promised me but in the context of a relationship I believe it is possible to meet those people or that someone you could not live happily without and that is what I believe love is.

Peace, blessings and love!!!

Consta

P.S  I would love to see you at my Show on June 8th at The Central.  Check the previous posts or email me for details.

June 8th Showcase and Job searching!!!

It’s been a little hectic with job searching and preparing for some upcoming performances but I still wanna let you know what’s good in Consta’s hood. Most notably my upcoming showcase at the Central(603 Markham St in Toronto).

So job searching is a nightmare!!! I rate it with having blood taken, apartment searching and first dates (arrrghhh).  Anyways I have updated my resumes and called all my references to make sure they’d still vouch for me and went to work on all the sites you know ,(job bank, Craigslist, charity village etc…)  Places you would find a job to pay your rent and eat because you took the arts and are not exactly in high demand for “real jobs” unless you are skilled in a trade. I applied to a reception posting that seemed perfect for me and got an immediate response and a phone interview and then a real interview.  I was all pumped rehearsing my answers and trying to find weaknesses that don’t sound like weaknesses.  I put on my powersuit despite the sweltering thirty degree weather and managed to get there half an hour early.

So I arrive to this nice building in the Bay Corridor and I can already picture myself sipping lattes as I get to work every morning.  I take the elevator up and see two men who look like they are still stuck in the seventies leaving as I am coming.  I mean like polyester shirts, long hair and everything.  I try to kill time by going to the washroom and fanning myself and trying to unstick my silk shirt and decide to just go into reception.  I am seriously underwhelmed it’s a pretty tiny office there is no one there? no receptionist no workers…recession must have hit this company hard.  So I sit down as I am still like 10 mins early and who walks in but one of the  polyester guys…sigh.  I shake his hand a nd he asks me to wait. He finally comes back and the interview begins. 

The interview is mostly him telling me what the job requires and what he likes about my resume.  The only real question he asks is my typing speed.  So I tell him 40-45 it’s around there-his requirement is 50 wpm.  He asks me to show him and to my horror I just got real nervous and was typing like 18 wpm and of course he thinks I am totally lying and he says all serious like” you know that we require 50 wpm do you think you can get it up to that?” ( And this is to answer the phones and record minutes every once in a while) Needless to say I won’t be packing up my plants just yet.  Have you ever had a horrible interview or audition? Let me know.

And all this heartache over a job I don’t really want.  I think I will stick to what I know, like singing!!! Speaking of which, I have a show on Tuesday June 8th at the Central.  I’ll be singing some favoured R&B and Jazz tunes as well as originals and featuring some of T.Os finest musicians. I’d love to see you if you are in the Toronto area.

Peace and blessings!!!

Constancia